On Mothers and Motherhood

The Oracle said...
Why don't you put your money and love towards adopting a child, ferret, instead of a cat? ...I might have more respect for you and your lame opinions. Which, in the grand scheme of things, are meaningless.
February 25, 2009 9:14 AM

Oracle, I thought I would address your comment in a special post. This is not about politics, and it will be a little personal, but it's something about which I feel driven to write. The thing about writing a blog that is read by about 10 people, 2 or 3 who know me, is that you are expecting people to take you at face value. All that most of you know about me is what I share here, or on SFGate if you have encountered me there. My motivations, ambitions, dreams, flaws, failures are only known to you if I choose to expose them to you. It is a power we all have, which makes this a pretty democratic forum. In writing about politics (mostly), I have been able to retain certain items for just myself. If you'll forgive me, I'm going to pull back the curtain a bit...

I believe that I have mentioned that I was adopted at birth. The people who adopted me were, I suspect, attempting to save their marriage with a baby. Like most of those attempts, it failed. They divorced, and each took new spouses. When I was four, my adopted mother committed suicide. While I didn't actually see her body, I did discover her...a moment that is still crystal clear in my mind.

Since my adopted father still had custody of me, I went to live with him and his new family. It was incredibly disfunctional, and I suffered all sorts of abuse. My step-mother was especially fond of using a switch cut from the peach tree in our yard to discipline us.

When I was 9, I was removed from that home and placed in foster care. That is when I met the people that I consider to be my family - which they officially became when they adopted me two years later. My mother was unable to have children - having had cancer in her early 20's - and fostering was her only way to fulfill what I believe to be her purpose here on earth. If anyone was meant to be a parent, she was that person - generosity of spirit, unconditional in her love, supportive and empowering, those are the gifts with which she was blessed. And I was blessed to know her.

Unfortunately, I knew her for a painfully short amount of time. Twenty-seven years ago today, eight years and one week after I moved in with her, my mother was killed by a drunk driver. She was already gone when I found out, so I didn't have a real chance to say good-bye. Her loss was devastating, and I believe that my inability to properly grieve for her marked the beginning of a long, slow descent into a crippling depression. With a lot of hard work, therapy and support from my wonderful family (a gift from my mother), I found my way back to become the (reasonably) well-adjusted person you see before you.

So, Oracle, I have had four different women fill the role of mother - if you count the girl/woman that gave birth to me. My experiences have been 'difficult', for lack of a better word. Obviously, when I was nine I finally found my real mother - meaning the woman who was intended to be my mother. However, given the examples of the first nine years of my life, and the short time I was given with my mother - well, you'll forgive me if I'm just not sure I'm up to the job of being a mother myself. I have no doubt that I have love to spare, and a nurturing spirit - but it's a serious task, and it's so crucial to not fuck it up.

I've thought of fostering, as there are so many children who need a loving home. But, thus far, I am taking this journey alone, and most foster children have special emotional and/or physical needs that I'm not sure that I could do it all myself. So, while you may think that I'm selfish, I will confess to a greater defect - fear. Fear of failing a child. I know what that feels like, and I couldn't stand it if I did it to someone else.



Margie - I know you are watching over me, and I miss you every day. Thank you for all that you gave me, and the world, in your short time with us.

We Are Not Quitters!

UPDATE: We are once again open for business... Or we would have been if I had remembered to turn off the moderation. Sorry!!!

Okay, this is completely inappropriate, but my limited vocabulary restricts my response: Our President ROCKS!!!!!! That speech was incredible - a tightrope walk between crisis and opportunity, right and left, war and peace. If the squiggly lines at the bottom of MSNBC's screen were any indication, folks that voted for Obama and the ones the voted for McCain agreed - top of the chart for the entire speech.

Energy. Health Care. Education. You know what my pet cause is (to refresh your memories: I think education is good). I actually started crying when he said "And dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself, it's quitting on your country — and this country needs and values the talents of every American." From preschool to college, a commitment to educate our youth, the recognition that the only path to the return to greatness that this nation has experienced is through education. It is my personal belief that there can be no greater investment, no more worthy use of our tax dollars than the goal of preparing our children and grandchildren for the world at large, and the world to come. (Especially if we expect them to pay for this pork-filled spending bill. This message brought to you by Right-Wing Talking Points Generator.)

BTW - I'm watching MSNBC, and after the Republican response by Gov. Jindal of LA, Chris Mathews was talking about how they had to go outside of Congress to find someone who could talk about wasteful spending, etc. since the Republicans in Congress were all part of that past. Given Gov. Jindal's ethnicity, was it just my immaturity that thought that it was poor wording by Chris to say that the Republicans had "outsourced the response"?

I could go on, and on - I've never felt so good about the potential onset of a depression.

(xootie - our new President is a touchy-feely. I can relate.)

And now, because that's how things work around here, it's your turn... (In case you didn't catch it all: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/obama_text)

Forgive Me If You've Heard This One

Got Milk?

Michael Steele, the new RNC chair, is a piece of work. He of the infamous "Oreo Cookie Incident" (I shit you not: http://tinyurl.com/dgec2j), has decided that the RNC has to expand it's perceived borders - Or, as Keith Olbermann put it tonight: Notorious G.O.P. :

"There was underlying concerns we had become too regionalized and the party needed to reach beyond our comfort” zones, he said, citing defeats in such states as Virginia and North Carolina. “We need messengers to really capture that region - young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ... We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

But, he elaborated with a laugh, “we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.”

With this guy leading the party, and Sarah Palin being touted as a serious candidate in 2012, (Politically incorrect alert!) sometimes I wonder what that "R" next to their names really stands for! Which leads us to...

My Daddy is Stooopid!

"Possibly the most ignorant motherfucker to ever walk the halls of the Senate..." (thank you, Wonkette), Senator "Man-on-Dog" Rick Santorum (http://tinyurl.com/cdbwjl), is back! These people never really go away. Flush and flush and flush, folks like Rick Santorum refuse to stop circling the basin: http://tinyurl.com/aoeos8. Perhaps if we had had more interpreters who spoke Islam, we would have been successful in Iraq. Classic!

Gina & TooSense's Make out Room

Enter at your own risk!!!

Thursday Musings

1. Judd Gregg is a douche: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/02/12/national/w131931S60.DTL


2. Can I just say, once again: Congress, Do Something!!!!! The house should have voted on the GD bill today! WTF???

3. Okay, partial credit: Hilda Solis will most likely be confirmed as Labory Secty tomorrow.

4. If you don't say 'Awwwww', your heart may be two sizes too small:

5. That is so his real hair!

6. What movie should I see this weekend: "Frozen River", "Frost/Nixon", or...?

Suza's Wedding Thread

Okay, since every bride- or groom-to-be I have ever known has been drowned by the well-meaning advice of every Tom, Dick, and Ferret they know, why should our dear Suza be spared? So, with love and the best wishes of your humble host, let's all put in our two cents for mr suza & suzagoob's wedding, sponsored in part by Brushfires of Freedom...

Colors, honeymoon, songs, food, wedding night lingerie - no topic is off topic. One rule only: BE NICE or BE DELETED!!!

Wow - Again!

I just saw "Milk" today, and I am blown away. Not just by Sean Penn's performance (omg!), but by how perfectly timed the film's arrival is. I'm not talking about the civil rights struggle that the marriage equality movement is undertaking, and how it is reflected in the film. No, the reflection is the message that is conveyed by Harvey Milk in one word: Hope.

I believe that our nation is undergoing a struggle of epic proportions, not just for certain parts of our society, but for our survival. If we descend into another depression, we will be faced with the same choice that both America and Germany faced in the 1930's - what path do we take toward recovery? When things get bad, when people feel cornered by overwhelming burdens, it's easy for dark influences to take hold. After the last 8 years, we stand on the precipice. There's only one way out - and that's down. But, I believe we get to influence how far we fall, and where we land. As one who believes in the innate goodness of people, and has a rather naive vision of our nation and what we are capable of, I trust that the pain of the landing can be cushioned by that goodness.

Dear Congress: DO SOMETHING!!! http://my.barackobama.com/recoveryvideo


Just because I love it (RIP James Whitmore): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TjyR_3mUsM&feature=related

Russian Roulette - Republican Style

Okay, I understand the Republicans and Democrats are different. I get that Conservatives and Liberals see the government's role in vastly differing ways. What I don't get, what I will probably never understand, is how you can call yourself a public servant, and put party politics and loyalty above the good of the nation! How else do you explain that not one single House Republican supported the stimulus bill? They claim principle, that the bill was too expensive, that they have a better plan... Uh, why didn't they suggest their better plan before? Why did the Boner (aka John Boehner, R-OH) ask for 100% opposition before the President even went to visit with Republican leaders?

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the people who gladly took it up the behind for Bush would be just as eager to screw the American people if it made Obama look bad. However, they obviously learned nothing from 2006 & 2008 - the American people are tired of obstructionist behavior by the Republicans. The nation can't afford to have it's elected officials playing politics, there is too much at stake. These folks think that their seats are safe, that they are in districts that are so conservative they have nothing to fear. However, if things don't get better, even their constituents are going to start feeling the pain of the coming depression. It's time to make sure that the Boner and his gang feel our pain, in the only way they understand it - vote 'em out in 2010!!!